The Breakthrough I Didn’t Know Was Coming

Breakthroughs are beautiful, but the journey to get there is not without its challenges.

It was a Friday morning, in La Jolla, CA. I woke up feeling just fine, but all of a sudden, mid-morning, an energy washed over me. You know the kind that makes you want to crawl out of your skin. I had been fully aware of the serpentine energy. We are in the year of the snake after all, and shedding throughout this year has been a main theme.

The Moment I Chose to Stay

I have been shedding programming and all the old versions of me that no longer serve my path. This was the moment I was being asked to shed “the protector.”

The one who kept armor around her heart. The one who feared vulnerability. The one who could fall, get up, brush herself off, and keep going without ever feeling anything. The wounded masculine that kept pushing forward even when my feminine begged for slowness, grace, and peace.

This version of me came right to the surface as Amy asked me to get vulnerable. To acknowledge the fear rising in me. My feminine wanted me to sink deeper into intuition. My masculine wanted me to armor up and keep going. My feminine wanted me to soften.

And the truth came out of my mouth before I could stop it:
“I’m so fucking tired. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Alchemy of the Breakthrough

I grew up being taught to be independent. To be the good girl. To do it all, hold it all, and need no one. It is what my parents modeled. My mother lived in her masculine energy, and I know I am not alone in this dynamic. Amy and I had developed a relationship over the last few years, but the last six months we had been each other’s lifeline when moments like this arose.

This time, an ancestral pattern that had been passed down my maternal line was asking to be broken. I was being asked to show up as a new, more embodied version of myself. I was being given the opportunity to stay, with no running, and to feel it all. To be.

Something we often forget to do in the hustle of this fast-paced world. My body was speaking, asking me once again to slow down. To listen. To soften. To finally put down the weight I had been carrying that told me I had to show up in the old way.

And on that particular Friday morning, it all came to a head. I sat there and sobbed because I could feel how desperately my feminine wanted me to drop the armor. To lay it down and sink into the arms of the universe, knowing I did not have to do it all anymore.

I had called Amy on FaceTime, and she held space. I could feel her tracking the energy, watching me squirm through the discomfort rising in my body. There was a part of me that did not want to feel. I pulled my hair down from the clip and began to move my body in ways that said, “I just want the energy to be over.” That was my masculine side trying to fix and work. So I threw my hair into a bun. A trauma response. The same thing I did as an ER nurse when things got real.

And Amy, in true reflector, mirror, mentor fashion, said, “No. This is the pattern. This is where you armor up. Look at the fear. Feel it. How you are moving is where the energy is telling you your truth. What if you do not try to move the energy? What if you just be with it?”

Shoutout to all the friends who sit with you as you unravel. The ones who see your strength and call forward your vulnerability. Those who can be with the mess and not need to fix you.

The Moment I Had Been Waiting For

I dropped my hair, took a breath and witnessed myself as everything cracked open. My feminine side wanted me to feel. Not fight. Not push. Not override. REALLY FEEL.

So I sat. And I sobbed. And I acknowledged that I do not have to do it all alone anymore. That the universe has my back. That Amy had my back, and that I was stepping into my truest self as I let go.

I’m crying again as I write this because for so long I have felt this way, so alone. And this was the moment I wasn’t. I was being asked to recognize what was true now.

I do not have to do things the old way. I am loved and supported. I can be all of me, even the sobbing blubbery mess. All of my emotions are welcome. I am allowed to feel them. I get to feel them. What a gift it is to feel this deeply.

We come to Earth and part of this is we forget who we truly are, just so we can find our way back, to our soul truth. Feeling is how we remember.

And now here I sit, on the other side of my breakthrough, integrating in such a beautiful way, knowing I do not have to carry the weight of it all on my back. I can set my backpack down. I can receive support. It is safe to love myself a little more and open my heart again.

The Ripple Effect of Following the Call

The other magical part of this experience was watching Amy step fully into her authenticity. For those who do not know, we both came from medical backgrounds. She was a therapist. I was a nurse. And now, in our soul callings, we get to do what we were designed to do in a deeper, more aligned way.

In my discomfort and squirmy vulnerability, she got to show up fully as who she is meant to be, doing what she came here to do. And I am grateful because I got to receive, and I am someone who usually helps others heal, break through, and transform. How cool is that?

Our presence allowed the ripple effect to happen in real time. A breakthrough within a breakthrough.

Truth After the Breakthrough

Amy and I love Human Design and Gene Keys. She looked at me and said, out of nowhere, “Are you sure your birth time is right?”

I looked confused. I did not have my birth certificate. I have been traveling the last three years since I healed my IBD. A story for another time. So I had no idea where my birth certificate was. Traveler life.

She said, “Try shifting it 15 minutes earlier.” When I did, suddenly, my chart shifted from splenic projector to self-projected projector.

Everything made sense. I had always struggled with some of the key aspects of having splenic authority, how you know your truth and make decisions, because I do not feel answers in my body the way many splenic authorities do.

But self-projected? That means the way I make decisions is by verbalizing and processing aloud to gain clarity. I have to speak to hear myself. I have to process out loud.

Which is literally me. Chatty Cathy, as my great-gram used to call me.

This breakthrough helped me see myself clearly for the first time in a long time. I felt more seen. More understood. More me.

To say I am grateful is an understatement.

Here is your reminder to love all of you. Feel what you feel. Let yourself be supported. Let yourself soften. You are here for a reason, and I am so happy to be here with you.

If You Want Support

If you are in your own season of letting go, softening, or shedding old armor, there are two beautiful places to land.

Alchemy of the Breakthrough
A space for creators, leaders, practitioners, and the deeply feeling ones who are moving through transformation. If you want clarity, coherence, support, and a place to rise with others who get it, you can learn more or apply through the link below.

The Asheville Retreat
If your body is craving rest, nervous system repair, deep connection, and a reset for the new year, our Asheville gathering in January is the most nourishing space we have ever created. Five days of embodiment, sisterhood, nature, truth, laughter, remembering your magic, and being held for real.

Both paths meet you where you are. Both lead you home to yourself.