Seeing Eden From a Parking Lot

Navigating culture as it dies.

I’ve been thinking about the progression of portal dates, or repeating-number dates, through different astrological seasons, and lately I feel more pulled to explore them through the Gene Keys, numerology and our personal numbers.

I’m interested in portal dates beyond the manifestation, love-and-light lens and more as a grounded exploration of the power held within their symbolism and metaphors.

Looking at 8/8 to 9/9 and now toward 10/10, these last few weeks have felt like one continuous movement. I’ve also been paying attention to the patterns showing up in my own life, in conversations, in the readings I’m doing and in the responses to what I’ve been sharing here.

8 carries themes of power, embodiment, infinity, cycles, abundance and authority. 8/8 brought attention to what we’re creating, where our energy is going and the structures we’ve built around our lives. It illuminated the places where we may have outgrown an identity, relationship, role, way of working or understanding of ourselves.

Then came 9/9. Nine carries completion, release and the closing of cycles. I’m personally living inside a 9 year, so I’ve been watching this unfold from the inside… duhn duhn duhn, endings.

There has been a tremendous amount of completion, stripping away and questioning of identities I thought I understood. Something can be finished long before we know what will replace it, and that space can be incredibly uncomfortable when we’re used to knowing how to move forward.

Housing has probably been the most physical expression of this for me. I have had to do a full trust fall around support, both in the physical world and in the spiritual realm. I’ve had to keep trusting the vision even when things got twisty, plans fell through and the external circumstances gave me plenty of reasons to question everything. Especially as old patterns and loops I’ve been walking through for the last six years have resurfaced.

Underneath all of this has been an even deeper practice of grounding into what I actually desire or would prefer instead of automatically returning to old scarcity patterns. The shutdown. The fear perpetuated by those who cannot see or understand my vision that I’m being irresponsible, impulsive, lazy or depressed. The urge to grab whatever is available because I’m afraid nothing else will come.

I’ve had to recognize those shadows as they surface, trust my intuition about what feels right for me, and sit in the discomfort of the unknown.

This has been especially intense around scarcity, money and security. So many people are one paycheck away from being unhoused and being asked to trust when the physical circumstances around them give them every reason to be afraid. Since September 6, I have been staying in hotels and sleeping in my car, technically unhoused myself.

So I’ve been examining my relationship with money as energy and something that moves and circulates, while also living inside a financial system built around scarcity, accumulation and the constant fear that there won’t be enough. As so many of our old systems and patriarchal structures strain and change, I’m interested in what happens when we stop letting those systems determine what enough, security and abundance are supposed to look like.

There is generational conditioning here that I think we also have to allow to die. Our ideas about what it means to be a good, responsible or productive member of society were shaped by generations living within very different economic and cultural realities. Get the job. Work hard. Buy the house. Become financially independent. Leave home. Build your own life. Support yourself without needing anyone else. That path simply isn’t as accessible or even as relevant for many anymore.

The mirrors along the way have become part of the navigation. Each experience has shown me something about what fits, what doesn’t, what I’m willing to compromise on and what I’m no longer willing to abandon in myself just to feel temporarily secure.

I’m beginning to see that these mirrors may actually be taking me home. I am not getting lost in the sauce. But it is taking everything I have to continue following my intuition while navigating dwindling resources and searching for housing.

One of the strongest patterns I am seeing is among women who are incredibly self-aware and high functioning, myself included. They’ve done the therapy. Read the books. Learned the language. Gone to the retreats. Worked on the patterns. Built careers, raised families and created businesses. Many are also navigating late diagnoses of ADD or ADHD alongside perimenopause and menopause, while surviving enormous transitions and trying to understand why the ways they have always functioned aren’t working the same way anymore.

There is so much knowing.

And then there is embodiment.

I keep seeing the body entering the conversation. Pain. Exhaustion. Hormonal changes. Inflammation. Sleep changes. ADHD symptoms becoming louder. Difficulty focusing or functioning in the ways that once worked. A nervous system that no longer seems interested in cooperating with the pace the mind believes it should be able to maintain.

The body communicates differently than the mind. It doesn’t care how much we intellectually understand a pattern. It responds to how we are actually living.

But what if all of this is further pointing to the fact that we weren’t created for this world, this system? What if we are here to create a new one?

We aren’t performing wrong. Our bodies aren’t weak. Maybe what we are experiencing isn’t simply an individual mental health issue. Maybe some of what we are calling dysfunction is also pointing toward systems that disempower us, separate us from our power and convince us that something is wrong with us instead of asking whether the world we have created is actually designed for us to thrive.

That feels deeply connected to the Gene Keys for me because every Gene Key moves along a spectrum from Shadow to Gift to Siddhi. We can understand the Shadow intellectually and still be living it through the body, our relationships, our work or the way we treat ourselves. Awareness opens the door. Embodiment is where that awareness begins changing how we actually live.

And the Gene Keys have been telling their own version of this story.

This is another pattern I’ve been watching over these weeks. Each Gene Key moves through a spectrum of Shadow → Gift → Siddhi, and when I look at the sequence we’ve been moving through, it feels connected to everything else I’ve been witnessing.

Gene Key 47 moves from Oppression → Transmutation → Transfiguration.

There is something here about the weight of our own minds, the stories and experiences we carry, and what happens when we stop trying to force meaning out of everything. Transmutation doesn’t erase what we have lived. It changes our relationship to it. The same material that once felt heavy can become part of what transforms us.

Then Gene Key 6 moves from Conflict → Diplomacy → Peace.

And this one feels especially relevant when old relationships, family dynamics, boundaries and ways of communicating are being exposed. Conflict can show us exactly where the friction lives. Diplomacy asks for something deeper than avoiding conflict. It asks us to meet ourselves and each other differently. And on the other side of that spectrum is Peace.

Now we are moving through Gene Key 46: Seriousness → Delight → Ecstasy.

And suddenly we’re back in the body.

After all the processing, transmuting, conflict, endings and trying to understand what the hell is happening, 46 brings us into the physical experience of being alive.

Seriousness can become the grip we place around life when we need to figure it out. We search harder. Analyze more. Work on ourselves more. Try to find the missing piece.

Delight loosens the grip.

It brings us back into sensation, pleasure, curiosity, movement, rest, food, creativity, touch, nature, laughter and the ordinary experience of being alive.

Maybe that’s why Gene Key 46 feels so perfectly placed here. In the middle of endings and before the next beginning, the invitation isn’t necessarily to understand more. It may be to embody more.

Because we can intellectually understand every Shadow in our chart. We can know our patterns, our attachment styles, our trauma responses, our Human Design, our astrology, our Gene Keys and every reason we became who we became. And still have to live it.

Oppression → Transmutation → Transfiguration.

Conflict → Diplomacy → Peace.

Seriousness → Delight → Ecstasy.

There is movement in that sequence. Something heavy is being transformed. Friction is showing us another way to relate. And then the body is invited back into the experience. Maybe we don’t think our way into what comes next.Maybe we live our way there.

Self-love becomes much more tangible here. It shows up in whether we listen when the body says enough. Whether we continue overriding ourselves because we technically can. Whether we allow our needs to inconvenience the identity we built around being capable. Whether we can receive information from pain, fatigue, distraction, frustration and resistance without immediately making those experiences another problem to fix. Because so many of us already know.

We know when something is over. We know when our body is asking for something different. We know when we’re overriding ourselves. We know when fear is making the decision. We know when an old identity is getting too tight. We know when we’re being asked to trust ourselves in a way that can’t be proven first.

The next layer may be allowing that knowing to reach the body, our choices, our boundaries, our work, our relationships, our money and the way we care for ourselves when nobody is watching.

For me, this entire passage from 8/8 through 9/9 and toward 10/10 has been asking how deeply I’m willing to trust what I say I believe when the physical world hasn’t caught up yet.

Can I trust my intuition when I don’t have the ending?
Can I honor what my body is communicating without treating it as an obstacle?
Can I choose from preference instead of scarcity?
Can I allow support to arrive in forms I couldn’t have planned?
Can I recognize the mirrors along the way as information rather than proof that I’ve taken a wrong turn?

And this brings me back to the progression from 8/8 to 9/9 and now toward 10/10. I am in a 9 year. The year of endings, completion and letting go. And holy shit, it has delivered.

I’ve had to let go of where I thought I would live. What I thought my work would look like. How I thought money and support would arrive. Old identities. Old definitions of security. Old ideas about productivity, responsibility and success. Even versions of myself I worked really hard to become.

There is something deeply uncomfortable about letting go when you can’t see what is coming next. We want the new vision before we release the old one. We want proof that there will be something on the other side before we loosen our grip. And maybe that has been the lesson of 9 for me.

Let it end. Let the identities fall away. Let the plans change. Let the old definitions stop working. Let yourself discover that some of the things you thought were keeping you safe were also keeping you attached to a life you had already outgrown.

Maybe letting go and receiving aren’t separate things. Maybe some things have to leave because our hands are too fucking full to receive what is trying to arrive. Because then comes the plot twist.

1 and 0. A new beginning and the space from which it can emerge. After all this letting go, I’m beginning to receive the vision.

Not necessarily the entire plan. The vision.

I can see more clearly what I actually want my life to feel like. Where I want to live. How I want to work. The kind of people I want around me. What I want to create. How I want to use everything I’ve learned. What support could look like. What home could feel like. What enough might actually mean to me.

And maybe that’s why the mirrors have been so important. Every no, every almost, every strange detour, every place that didn’t work, every moment I questioned whether I had completely lost the plot has been clarifying the vision.

9 has been clearing the field. And 10/10 feels like standing at the edge of that cleared space and realizing: Oh. There you are. Balance.

The vision I couldn’t fully see while I was still trying to make the old life work. Maybe receiving the vision requires enough space for it to actually reach us. And maybe that is where I am now.

Still technically unhoused. Still navigating the unknown. Still watching resources. Still having very human moments of wondering what the fuck I am doing.

And also seeing something I couldn’t see before. Not letting myself get lost in the sauce.

I see where I’m going. I am navigating what I know to be true before it has completely arrived in form. Feeling the bed. Seeing the room. Walking the property and meeting the community on this land. Meeting friends at the coffee shop and knowing that it is already connected to me. It is coming closer, converging in days.

And still grounding to the land, eating healthy choices from a microwave, playing fetch in parks and hotel parking lots while holding the vision I was shown months ago. It will require accepting help, receiving, and discomfort, but this is how New Earth is born.

Birth is never convenient or clean. None of us arrived here through clear and concise conditions. We were all born in the mess of life, marking the moment by the stars and the energetic imprint we arrived with.

And maybe that’s part of why I keep coming back to our energetic imprint. If we are talking about birthing something new, I’m curious about what each of us came here carrying into it.

Mine includes Gene Keys and Human Design Gates 11 and 12 as my Conscious Sun and Earth, with Gates 6 and 36 unconscious, creating the Right Angle Cross of Eden 4. And Eden is an interesting archetype to carry.

In Human Design this is the Incarnation Cross in Gene Keys the Genius or Activation Sequence.

Anyway… The story of Eden holds this memory of paradise, the experience of leaving it, and the longing to return. In the Right Angle Cross of Eden, that theme moves through ideas and possibilities, caution and expression, friction and emotional experience. There is a continual encounter between the vision of what life could be and the very human reality of actually living it.

Being a Splenic Manifestor adds another layer to how I experience this. Manifestors are here to initiate, while Splenic Authority operates through an immediate, non-rational knowing in the body. It does not always come with an explanation or proof. It is instinctive, present-moment information about what feels right, what does not, when to move, and when to pull back.

Which is interesting when so much of what I have been writing about here has required me to trust what I know before I can see where it is taking me.

Then there is my 1/3 profile. The investigator in me wants to understand the mechanics of something, to research it, and to build a foundation. And the third line learns by actually trying it. Trial and error. Experience. Finding out what works because I have also found out what does not. That feels pretty relevant right now.

Gate 11 carries ideas, imagery, and possibility. I can see another way. I can imagine something before it exists.
Gate 12 brings discernment to expression. When is it time to speak? What is actually ready to be expressed? What deserves a voice?

Then there are my unconscious Gates 6 and 36, bringing me directly into the messier terrain of being human. Gate 6 carries friction, boundaries, and the emotional negotiations required for intimacy and connection. Gate 36 carries crisis, change, and movement into unfamiliar experiences. It learns through entering life rather than standing safely outside of it.

And there is Gate 6 again. Conflict → Diplomacy → Peace.

One of the Gene Keys I have just been watching move through the collective is also sitting inside my own Cross of Eden. Put those together and Eden becomes much more interesting than the idea of returning to some perfect place where nothing difficult happens.

There is the vision of paradise, and then there is everything we encounter while learning how to live it. Create it. Be it.

Maybe that is why this particular chapter of my life feels so connected to my own design. I have been holding a vision of home, community, meaningful work, support, abundance, and a different way of living while simultaneously walking through uncertainty, friction, endings, financial discomfort, and experiences I absolutely would not have chosen for my bingo card.

I can see Eden while walking through the muck, through asphalt parking lots, with no resources available, and still know what I hold inside of my energetic field.

And maybe the return to Eden happens through the experience itself. Through discovering what we value because we have experienced what we don’t. Through friction showing us our boundaries. Through crisis changing our relationship with control. Through ideas becoming something we can eventually give form to.

And maybe my Splenic Authority is part of why this particular experience has required so much trust. I can feel the direction before I have all the evidence. I can know something is wrong for me even when accepting it would make things easier in the short term. I can feel a yes before I know exactly how that yes will become physical reality.

Which brings me right back to 10/10.

After everything the 9 has asked me to release, I can see the vision more clearly because I have lived the contrast. The 1 in 10 asks me to initiate. The 0 holds the unknown, the space where what comes next has not fully taken form yet. And here I am, somewhere between the two.

As we enter Libra Season and move toward the 10/10 portal, my Libra Moon and Pluto in the 3rd house are activated, bringing me back to generational trauma and healing, communication, technology, and my internal world.

I’m still walking toward it. But I know what Eden feels like now.
And community is the key. Vulnerability is the key. Being honest is the key.
And you won’t believe what happened next… Stay tuned.

*And I am also going to be real honest for me it is the idea and what I am channeling not the writing this was AI assisted. And I am ok with that.

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